Ready for Something New

It is strange when you feel ready to start moving on. Not in terms of dating, but in general terms of life. I suddenly want to decorate the apartment I've been living in for two months. I'm picking out color schemes and wondering "Why not pale pink and grey? Why not live in a place that girly and absent of mounted animal heads? Why not make my apartment somewhere comfortable, safe, and a reflection of me?"

So much of our old house was not mine. He owned it before we got married; he never failed to remind me that it was his house (even when he lost his job and I made the payments). He reluctantly agreed to let me paint. He begrudgingly  agreed to move my new bedroom set into our bedroom (thus moving his 20 plus year old set into the spare bedroom). Even then he complained about it the entire four years we were married. He kept insisting on filling the small living room walls with mounted deer skulls. He almost always refused to get rid of anything to make room for me and the few things I owned.

Now my apartment is smaller, but it's being filled with the things I love. There are no arguments; there is peace. I have not had peace in my home in such a long time. I honestly forgot what it was like to be happy at home.

So, I'm decorating my living room in pink and grey, and my bedroom in blue and tan. I'm hanging pretty pictures on the walls, and using floral prints wherever I want. I'm only bringing things into my home that make me feel happy. I think this would be a wise rule for everyone to live by.

Like I said, it is a strange feeling to want to start fresh, to want to purge your life of everything that was unhealthy, that evokes bad memories. Don't get me wrong, there were some good memories in those four years, and I try to remember them.It's hard though when there's so much hurt. I still have regrets and remorse. But I also have hope, and this strange feeling is a good kind of strange.